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Ina's Blog

Oh, the power of a good Pity Party!

We all have days when we feel down and out.  We can feel sad, out of sorts, or just have the blues.  Sometimes, you don’t know why you feel this way.  Today I felt this way, kind of sad and down.  I had no idea why.  Sometimes it just happens.

A long time ago I gave up being a victim of the blues.  I’m now able to notice these moods and get myself into a mode where I can observe my thoughts – kind of like when I watch a tv show happening before me, or the way I watch my thoughts during meditation.  When I give myself permission to notice, then I can fully acknowledge my emotional state.  That’s important.  We know that if we resist a feeling, that the feeling will persist.  Most importantly, somewhere inside I realize that I’m probably dealing with a limiting belief.  There is some way in which I feel powerless about something in my life.

So what to do about it?  My next step is often to throw myself a pity party!  Pity parties actually help me to process through what may be at the source of my mood.  I believe it’s a way to give my brain a chance to have its way – to come up with the wildest thoughts and limiting beliefs, like the worst thing that is happening or could happen. It gives my brain the power to release.

So, how do you give yourself a good pity party?

  1. Set your intention for the theme of your pity party – to get clarity, to feel your power, to know yourself better, etc. Your intention lets your inner self know that you are starting off strong, that you have your own back, and that you are ready to recognize your limiting beliefs and to smash through them.
  2. Invite yourself to your party. Usually, I invite only myself.  Sometimes I enlist my husband in the party.  This is particularly true if I need hugs during the party.  LOL!!  If you do too, find a buddy. Most of the time the party goers will be you, yourself, and you – the most important party goers!
  3. Time-bound your party. Give yourself anywhere from 5 – 10 minutes to feel whatever the “ick” is at the moment.  Yep, that’s all it takes.  If you’re afraid you’ll overstay your welcome, use a timer.  It’s a great way to, again, just let yourself go and not worry about it.  You don’t want your icky you, yourself and you to overstay your welcome.
  4. Let ‘er rip! Let your thoughts go wherever they want to, on whatever road they want to travel.  They may go right on over to everything sucks town, over the cliff hangout, I hate people turn off, scum of the earth pit, I can never lane, I’m not smart enough path – you get the idea.   Ahhhhhh!!!  Feels good.  (Are you smiling??)
  5. Know when to leave the party. You want to leave the party just at the point where you have released (or unleashed) and can feel a sense of relaxation happening.  Or, you may be like me and find that you are completely laughing at yourself with how far you’ve let your thoughts take you!  In the end I either realize that I’ve either spent unnecessary energy fretting the way I have, or I find a sense of relief that I’m finally being honest with myself.

Honestly, I’ve never been able to sustain my pity party to the end of the time I set.  Somewhere along the way I know it’s never as bad as my thoughts can take me.  Or, in the end, the real truth comes out.  And, that is a big relief!

So what was my ick today?  Today I felt that I wasn’t in the place I wanted to be with my work, and I couldn’t find or feel power to change that.  So I was down about it.  So I had a pity party.  Is it true that I don’t have the power to create what I want?  No.  It is not true.  But, I was really overwhelmed with a kind of grief about it.  And, that’s what was taking me away from my own source.  So now the work begins to take a step at a time to make the changes I want to make to live in alignment with my purpose and passions.

Try inviting yourself to a pity party when you want to get to a better place.  Let me know how your pity party turns out….